Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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