It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
