I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize