hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
