oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
