you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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