Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
