Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
