Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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