i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
