Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
