I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
