ugly people sure do ruin things
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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