I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
it glows. i had to have it.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Come share oat with me in your robe
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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