I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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