toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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