i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
