I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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