Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We were destined to go to rehab together
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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