when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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