He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
