Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
