I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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