Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
