My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
What a dumb baby whore.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
