Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
