You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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