Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
We're facebook friends in real life
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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