I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
