Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
