Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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