I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you mean i was at the winter classic?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Can vaginas get frostbite?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
