I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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