Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
