I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
