Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
