I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
