am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize