dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
