well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
