I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
