I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
