He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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