Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize