batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
