I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
