Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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