Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
And then he peed in my hair
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