It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
