His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
