i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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