Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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