some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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