I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
