I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize