who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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