I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
