physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
