it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
