I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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