Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
