Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
