I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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