hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
