you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize