She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
